Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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