Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
we're meeting twins and drinking tequila. i love life
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
