you definitely have a few illegitimate kids
probs. Not too worried about it though. MOst girls are too embarrassed that they let me into their pants that they'll never admit its mine
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I am a mess. Weirdest thing: I woke up with a hammer under my pillow. No idea why.
Now there are nude photos of that bangin hot Russian spy chick...this is officially the best scandal ever.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Everyone is a disappointment when you lose your virginity to nine inches
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
