I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
My new favorite word is dickbag. I think its relevant here. And I say that with all the love in the world.
Randomize