operation harelip BJ is a go
Whenever someone from high school gets pregnant or has a pregnancy scare my self esteem grows a good 5 points
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Self care is breaking into nasa and launching yourself directly into the fucking void
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
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