I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
Of course I have to cross through a walk for hunger
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize
