too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
Bad idea pregaming graduation.... she just threw up before walking across the stage... i'm gonna miss this
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
I just met his wife...she told me they have been having marriage problems and are spending his paychecks on marriage counseling...then she cried on my shoulder...NOW i feel like a bitch.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Randomize
