should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
I thought I was pretty much sober now but then I realized I've been eating scrambled eggs with my hands...
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
