you know when i was in school the girls definitely did not have the tits the 15 year olds have now. so unfair.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
There are huge fuckin pieces of palm tree in the road. what a road hazard. as i sit here and text you as i swerve to miss them
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
Stolen hampster on my tits. Don't tell me I don't know how to party.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Randomize
