when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
