The 3 of us think it's time to start drinking.
3?
Me, myself and I
Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
He told me I took off my shirt, asked for the latino thunder and jumped on him. I want to question this but it sounds too much like me.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
Randomize
