she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Randomize
