you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
