I think i really like him...he was super cuddly and kept me company.
stop. you already have a dog
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
There is a limo involved. Man up, and make yourself puke. Its only one more night of blacking out.
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
If the egyptians can build pryamids men can walk on the moon and ron jeremy can sleep with all those bitches then we can finish these three handles of vodka
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
