All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
I can't cum and do my makeup at the same time.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
Randomize
