Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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