i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
