Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
No talking tonight. Just drinking and puking up memories
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
