Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
I feel asleep with my contacts in, with my arms wrapped around a bottle of vodka. Also... Do we have class today?
Randomize
