what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
For the whole 7 seconds I lasted, I was in heaven.
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Talking about the game in the closet with a banana wearing sunglasses.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Pre-crushing the pills for tomorrow morning. This way I can sleep in an extra 10 minutes.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Randomize
