it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
