Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
woke up next to her writing my name in some journal. apparently she makes every guy she hooks up with sign out.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
plus shes a stripper, ive been with strippers, if you fuck this up your penis will never forgive you
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Thank you for calling me on to a higher level of debauchery. fuck anyone who says we aren't good for each other
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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