Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Porn is love you can see.
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
Well now I have my semen on her headphones
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
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