We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
the fog machine set off the whole complexes fire alarm
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
What would you do in exchange for having a girl eat a waffle house waffle off your body?
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
He is asleep with his dick hanging out of my my little pony pajamas. I am required to wake this man up by blowjob
Your sexual fantasies often terrify me but get a pic
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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