I think I kinda wanna bone that ginger from Harry Potter.
You literally just made my flesh crawl.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
The UTI came back with a vengeance.
I just traded sex to frolic with a box of husky puppies. Is this rock bottom?
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
