Cold hands, warm shart.
thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I think I'd rather see her get hit by a car in one of those Russian dash cam videos on YouTube.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
My boyfriend and my fuck buddy are going to the strip club together... Should I be concerned?
Randomize
