i'm returning your mother's day gift to finance my alcoholism over the next week.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
I JUST HAD PHONE SEX. WHILE TAKING A BATH. FOR AN HOUR. EATING A PLATE OF BURRITOS. TOP THAT SHIT.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
