he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
so i woke up this morning covered in mail. none of it is mine.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
I am not exagerating when I say the thought "screw you future me" actually just went through my head
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
