I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
there is no excuse for him not showing up to my st. patrick's day party. i touch his dick. i get him on the high holidays.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
