shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it 3pm? Or am I losing my mind because it's pickled in vodka and diet coke?
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Fuck off. Since when do you love him??
Since he licked my arm to retrieve the macaroni and cheese he dropped. You have to appreciate that
Can't even lie. Mad respect
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
