dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
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