not only did i climb through the window at 4 am but here i am 4 hours later for my interview at the mall and i'm staring in the dark pet store barking at puppies
I'll be heading downtown with donuts and a lawn chair at 9am to go Halloween Walk o' Shame spotting.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
Dude, please tell me you know why there's a naked chick asleep outside my room.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
Randomize
