he threw mangos from the tree he was in at people and got arrested for harassment
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Yeeeaahhh, I'm in no rush to dismiss a level 6 booty-call that pays my bar tabs and understands my Harry Potter obsession.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
i think my cat just said my name.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
