My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
you haven't felt a hangover until you wake up after a night of snorting tequila.
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
He just used the word frick. Is that a possible red flag?
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Nothing like an afternoon walk of shame across campus on parent's weekend. Damn.
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