It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
No jewlry, no bra, and no pen. I couldnt be more prepared for a friday morning class.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
He fell asleep on top of me after sex. For 3 hours. Poor guy worked too hard.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
