I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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