So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
lol i'm looking through my photos and there's this giant section of just dudes wearing murses
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I supernannyed him into submission
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
