I looked at my own cervix.
around noonish you got carried out for spitting water and throwing cups at old people...
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
So again no comment on the cleavage. I'm a bit disappointed. If those girls come together to make cleavage AND I send you a pic of it, you have to comment on it. That's like relationship 101.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
Randomize
