So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
Randomize
