My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Score
Deaf chicks here I come
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You're telling me he never had to ask for a blow job and he STILL broke up with you? I call bullshit on that one.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
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