these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
and pubic hair rears its ugly head again
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
So...I'm pretty sure I have officially determined that reverse cowgirl is the only position possible to have sex in my smart four two
Randomize
