Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
Hurry up I'm getting mooned by a hobo
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
My GF, FWB and Side piece are all booty calling me. I’m a victim of my sexual success
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