I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
He IMed me 5 times, before my homepage even loaded. This is not gonna work out for me
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
I have feelings that need drinking.
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
Tomorrow has nothing to do with the threesome
I am the one with the vagina. I get to call it.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
Randomize
