butt sex is not good for yourself don't do it
Thanks?
Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I'm going to start using the hurricane naming system for my hangovers. Hangover Agatha is a real bitch today.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
My liver is preforming stress tests.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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