guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
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