i went to disney world today with my friends, met snow white, then saw her later at a bar. she is naked next to me in her bed, passwed out. when you wish upon a star...
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
I DON'T EVEN KNOW ONE MINUTE IM SITTING HER THE NEXT IM FLYING PASSED THE MOON
PISSING MYSELF IN ZERO GRAVITY
THOSE AIN'T STARS U SEE TONIGHT GURL
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
We played a 4 hour game of True American then we fucked on the floor for a couple hours Happy 20th to me
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize