I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Pretty sure my boner drove me home. Like it didn't just do the steering it was the gas and brake too..
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
STOP BUYING ALADDIN PANTS WITH MY AMAZON CREDIT CARD
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
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