Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
doing a bong hit while wearing crest white strips...not such a great idea...
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
And if you haven't kicked a pigeon you haven't started your morning right
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
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