I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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