So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
we are not getting arrested this weekend. I don't care who I have to blow its just not happening.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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