where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
someone shit in a solo cup and left it at the base of the stairs. fuck orlando dude.
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
I slipped on a piece of pizza last night and when the bouncer helped me up I told him the garbage can pushed me.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
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