I think i sorta joined a cult last night
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
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