im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
Randomize
