And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
Good news: he out-ran the campus police. Bad news: they were chasing him toward the REAL police.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
NoShamevember. You game?
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
Randomize