hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
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