I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
