so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
haha I love it when I find out that girls who were mean to me in middle school are now some random dude's baby mama. thanks, facebook.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
I'm not upset because i like you. I'm upset because I can't use you for the sex anymore.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
You wanna see what happens when frozen corn meets an unhappy Andrew's face?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
I just choked eating whip cream from the can, and peed a little because I was coughing so hard. How am I still single.
Randomize