I just heard a teenager say to his friend "dats my baby! i was hittin her up on myspace like gurllll. she got me steamin". must have missed the memo its 2005 and we still use myspace.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
apparently "my dealer got arrested" is not an acceptable answer when mom asks "What happened? You look sad today"
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
How exactly do I approach the whole "Well that was fun. Am I purchasing the Plan B or you?" topic?
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
He didn't call me beautiful but he came in less than five minutes so same thing, right?
If there was a category for "most likely to end up a serial killer" in your high school yearbook then I'm sure you would have won it
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
Randomize
