Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
And to top it off I think that was the first time in history that anyone has used "oh just taking care of her grandmother and doing porn" in the same sentence.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
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