I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
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