He's not gay. He just has bad gaydar and he gaydared himself and was wrong.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
i thought they made a 7-hour walmart run, but they were actually in jail.
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Second wave of rafting ended in a concussion. Don't worry though, the paramedic says it's still not considered a DUI.
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
After owing so much in back child support they should make vasectomy a mandatory
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
Randomize
