You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
