how lazy do you have to be to be a fat vegetarian?
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I don't remember her missing an ear while we were at the bar
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
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