Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
Laying in bed nude eating a Big Mac with a cat. It's gonna be a good year.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
