this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
so i had a hang over on saturday and i stayed in the shower for 4 hours, then crawled out, skimpered to my bed, and some kid i didnt know was sleeping in it
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
She just referred to her vagina as "this bitch".
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
....I feel like you are deciding whether or not I'm good enough for you based on what I ordered from Chipotle.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
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