THAT'LL be a good time.
and i don't know why my phone always capitalizes that word.
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
of course. lets lasso hookers.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
There was a suspicious looking plate that suggests I may have eaten salad with gravy
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize