you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
I'm so high, I forgot to harvest my farmville crops....noooooooo.
Worst stoner tragedy.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
So you're saying you don't want to be with her anymore because she likes sex to much and is just to hot?
Well when you say it that way it makes me sound like an idiot.
You are an idiot.
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
They told him he could only pay in monopoly money and he pulls out a wad of it from his pocket... i think im in love
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
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