Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
