you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
I'm at the house listening to vengaboys alone. Please come home.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
we went to go have morning sex and I said “I was gonna put my mouth on it but you need to shower”#ruinedthemoment
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
