I hope mine doesn't look like that
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
she visited to give me a bj between clients. Social work at its finest.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
PokemonGo as navigation to get some at 5:13 AM. Life choices, yo.
I may or may not have puked near a bear on the side of the road this morning.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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