this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
we're going to dress like we're asking for it, because we are
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
You haven't demanded nudes today. You alright?
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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