what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
