please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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